At least, the Clarion West “radio silence” is over. I can officially announce my acceptance, not that I’ve been as quiet as I should have been (it’s really difficult). Shout it from the rooftops! Except I still can’t talk above a whisper without strain. Argh! Oh, wait. I can’t even say “argh.”
A Silence Descends (for now)
I have no voice! In more ways than one. This is extremely hard on me as a super-jabber type. Yesterday was another complete waste due to this awful throat infection. I got out of the house briefly to go to my book club, but I really shouldn’t have because now my voiced is tapped out.
(More) Whining, groaning, sniffling
Ugh. I am so sick. I knew I was sick on Tuesday morning, but instead of staying home like a good girl, I went on a field trip to Animal Kingdom with Mr. B’s homeschoolers’ group. I thought I would faint half the time we were there, but the kids had a great time, and I just collapsed after I got back home. I couldn’t/wouldn’t move this morning (and didn’t even get out of bed until noon); I had to cancel my classes, again. Luckily, I could email and call and take care of the details without getting out of bed. Thank Gods for smart phones. Poor Mr. B had to get his own cereal and entertain himself (which isn’t hard for him, fortunately).
The View From Here (in which some whining is heard)
It’s been raining for two days straight, and I feel like I’m going to sink down into depression if it doesn’t stop. The weather has that effect on me. It’s a good thing I don’t live in the Northwest or in England, or some other place where it rains or looks overcast all the time. This drives the Florida girl crazy.
Mr. B has an earache, and now he’s watching Race to Witch Mountain over and over. Ugh. There’s only so much I can take of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, explosions, and so on.
All Quiet (Except for Godzilla)
The Internets are atwitter with news that a gobbet of rejection flew out of Clarion (San Diego) in the past twenty-four hours, but as for me, no news from Clarion West yet. I feel weirdly blocked during the wait. I haven’t written anything since the deadline for submission passed on March 1.
I know I should be doing the opposite, writing like crazy to stave off the anxiety, but it seems I’d rather not think about it at all. If I don’t think about it, the rejection won’t arrive, or something like that.
Plus, it’s a little hard to concentrate with Mr. B sick (again); he’s curled up on the couch watching Godzilla: Tokyo SOS over and over. Now, if I was writing a giant monster story, that would make a great writing soundtrack, but…
My Clarion Essay
Applicants to Clarion West Writer’s Workshop have to write a letter of introduction, presumably for instructors to preview. Of course, we all hope that the letter exerts other (positive) influence during the selection of candidates. A few fellow applicants are sharing theirs on blogs and such, so here’s mine. I tried to write from the heart; hope it doesn’t bore anyone to tears.
As a writing instructor at a community college, I enjoy helping others learn to express their thoughts in writing, and I think I’m pretty good at it. I have a BA in English and a Master’s degree in Women’s Studies. I first encountered the workshop method in the English program and did four terms of short story and poetry workshop there. Often, I worked with people who resisted the workshop process because they felt their writing was art, and art need not yield to criticism. Another sad aspect of the program was its hostility to science fiction and fantasy. Fortunately, the experience hasn’t dampened my enthusiasm for either, or my desire to attend Clarion. Â
Â Â Â The Women’s Studies program prepared me to write science fiction in ways my instructors would probably never have guessed. My MA thesis concerned women writers and utopian fiction, which was a guarantee that I could spend hours reading back issues ofÂ Science Fiction StudiesÂ andÂ Utopian StudiesÂ in the stacks of the campus library, plus all the utopian and dystopian novels I could get my hands on. A pleasing side effect of the research was my first professional publication, on the same topic. I learned a great deal about science fiction criticism and applied a fresh eye to aspects of works I had formerly enjoyed for their entertainment value alone. Of course, the program also taught me a tremendous amount about gender analysis, which is sometimes but not always important to science fiction. This is not to say I converted from a naive reader to a joyless analyzer of theme, plot, characterization and so forth. Rather, my enjoyment was magnified by that critical understanding, as was my desire to write my own quality stories.Â
Â Â Â Â Like many writers, I have been writing since childhood. Writing is a smaller portion of my life than I’d like for it to be, but it is an immensely satisfying part. When I’m not grading papers for class, helping my son with his homework, performing various volunteer tasks, escaping in a sci-fi novel or walking the dog, I’m writing. I write a monthly feature for a local newspaper and write pieces here and there for academic publications, but my passion is science fiction. Reams of notes and hours of voice memos are filled with story seeds and half-remembered dreams, working in my subconscious until I can sit at the computer and work the ideas into stories.
Â Â Â I recently emerged from the office after two solid hours of keyboard-pounding, with what must have been a triumphant expression, when my spouse said something that completely floored me. He remarked, “I can see this is what you’re meant to do.” He was observing my exultant behavior, but he rarely sees the work itself. I submit to publications and have online buddies who occasionally critique my writing, but my husband is too biased to be my first reader. However, his words that day hit home because they felt true. To say that writing makes me happy only makes a vague swipe at description of my inner experience; it’s an inadequate understatement of the obsessive, focused, thrilling condition that overtakes me.
Â Â Â After years of jotting notes and fantasizing about the types of fictional worlds I want to create, I’ve now given myself permission to take that work seriously. I typically have several stories in process, and I have submitted a handful of shorts which have been politely rejected. I keep working on the parts of a novel that will one day click into place. This feels by turns incredibly frustrating and delightful, which (I’ve been told) means I’m doing something right. However, I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing, and if I could just figure out what that is, something amazing might happen.Â
Â Â Â At Clarion, I hope to develop a quicker, more critical eye that I can use to hone the writing that I’m doing into something professionally viable. I want to work hard and fast, and ultimately learn what’s working and what not. I crave the focused intensity of the experience and the intelligent company of other writers who feel the same. I’d also like to know that I’m on the right track, creatively, or if I should pack it in and stick to my day job.Â
As an avid reader and writer from a young age, I wish to explore my own potential and soothe (or perhaps ignite) the craving I seem to have, the insistent urge to create the kind of fiction that has entertained and inspired me for so long.Â
Do I Suck?
A rejection from Andromeda Spaceways already. I just submitted it three days ago! This rapid return disturbs me a little, especially since it’s the same story I’m hoping will get me into Clarion West.
Clarion West, and a theft
I’m thoughtful and mostly calm about my Clarion West application, so far, not like last year’s histrionics. I finally joined the online forum for applicants, so I feel connected to the collective angst.
Because I Have So Much Free Time
Wait, I don’t.
Anyway, I’m taking the challenge, finally, of NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month. Write 50, 000 words in one month! I need some buddies to do this, anyone game?
I’m also climbing back on the horse of perpetual preparation for Clarion Writer’s Workshop 2010, and I feel especially motivated by the news that the admission window has been moved back to December 1st.
Life simply isn’t busy enough right now, between gardening, homeschooling, UU-ing, teaching and academic publishing/freelancing (and pretty much in that order of priority). It feels oddly secondary to mention that my proposal for the Virginia Tech “Gender, Bodies and Technology” conference was recently accepted –I’d actually forgotten about that news until just now.
Let me know, gotta go! It’s Farnham, ya’ll!
Aside from having a funky name, I like the ‘tude over at flash site Brain Harvest, especially the mustaches. They’re Clarion workshop alumni who wanted to make something happen. I like it. Plus, a contest deadline is always motivating, to me anyhow.
Thanks to Jamie for posting this.