I’m thoughtful and mostly calm about my Clarion West application, so far, not like last year’s histrionics. I finally joined the online forum for applicants, so I feel connected to the collective angst.
For my application, I submitted a revision of the story that I used last year as one of two stories for Clarion (the other one), and it feels a little crummy to do that. First, if it wasn’t accepted last year, why use it again? I’m convinced it’s a promising story, and I made some changes for the better. Second, I realized I’ve been working since last year on two stories that I’ve not yet finished. To be fair, one is a novel, and I wrote several flash pieces in the meantime, but the output otherwise is pathetically low. One thing that NaNoWriMo taught me is to let go of some responsibilities so I can write more, but the increase in pace has been marginal.
So, what’s the problem? Some of it, I think, is the fact that my favorite ideas, the unfinished ones, are ones that began with a seed, not a whole picture, whereas the finished ones hit me all at once. They were complete pictures that just needed to find a way out onto the page. I’m still floundering around trying to figure out what those unfinished stories are really about and how I want them to end. Now, I know that’s not inherently a bad thing, but I get stuck and can’t seem to get unstuck.
The other issue is discipline. If I don’t work consistently, it’s not going to happen. I spend way more time reading than writing.
Anyway, enough whining.
On another note, someone stole a big wooden statue of Buddha from my front porch. What kind of dick steals a Buddha? It galls me a bit. I don’t feel especially angry, though. I hope thieving individual at least gets some spiritual satisfaction out of it, however tainted. I should write about it, if for no other reason than spite.